Hold my hand
by Icewind192
Summary: Takes place right after Allison dies. Stiles feels guilty and some old habits arise, only it doesn't turn out how he expected.


**K i've had this one in my drive for a while but I never really got around to publishing it. It is a working progress :)**

 **Stiles POV**

He was numb. So numb. Allison was dead. how could she be dead.? He had came to in an ambulance, Allison dead in the gurney next to him. She looked so cold. Now he was with Kira faintly he heard Kira tell her mom that Allison had killed one. For the first time since he woke up he spoke

"Yeah, and it killed her. Allison is dead." he said shaking slightly. He knew no one was going to say it but he still knew it. She was dead because of him. He brushed off the hands of Kira and got up.

"Stiles..." Kira said looking at him worriedly. He shook his head.

"The only good thing now," He said holding back tears. "Is that is looks like I'm dying too." He avoided their gazes, grabbing his coat.

"I just have to get some fresh air." He pulled open the front door walking out into the cold air. Wincing as the pain that resounded all over his body started to act up again. He lied to Scott when he said it was just a dull ache, it was like his body was on fire. Not a hot fire but a cold fire, burning him to the core.

How was Scott, how was anyone going to look at him the same again. There was a thing wearing his face out there. When they thought of Allison they would only think of his face being responsible.

Scott wouldn't even look at him. Tears gathered, his dad looked at him like he was a monster. Tears spilled. Looking up he had arrived at his house. He rushed up to the bathroom staring at himself as he cried.

All of the people he had hurt and killed, now Allison was added to that list. He couldn't do anything right. _A waste of space._ If he was never here Scott would never have gotten bit and none of this would have happened.

He looked at himself in the mirror. Hollowed out eyes, pale skin. Maybe Scott was right. If he got hurt, maybe the Nogitsune would be too. If he died...

He could save the rest of them. No one else will get hurt because of him. Opening the cupboard he took out a razor. He hadn't cut since his Mom died. He would just have to cause the monster pain first. Shakily he drew the first line in his wrist. The pain was small, compared to what the rest of his body was feeling. The blood had him memorized.

 _He and the monster will deserve every bit of this._ He thought, before cutting deeper.

Writing in silver...But the ink is red.

(Scott's POV)

He wiped away tears as he walked to Kira's. He needed to see her and be sure that she was safe. He also needed to see Stiles. The fear he felt when he saw of him being carried out by his father limp and pale, Lydia following crying, it terrified him. He thought that Stiles was dead. He was overwhelmed with relief when he saw him wake up. He felt guilty because of his next thought.

 _Thank goodness it was only Allison._ He then had avoided Stiles eyes. He had to see that the both of them were alright.

He rang the doorbell. Kira's mother opened the door.

"Hello Scott." She said. He walked around her heading to the living room. He smiled when he saw Kira. He wrapped her in a hug.

One Safe

"Where is Stiles?" He asked noticing he was not in the room. Kira looked at him oddly.

"We figured he was going to go find you at the police station." She said. _Oh no._ He took a deep breath. _Sadness. This room is reeking of Stiles' sadness._ A new bitter smell met his nose. He had too take a few more breaths before he could place it. _Self loathing. Oh God._

"I have to find him." He said, darting out of the house, leaving the shouts behind him. Stiles' scent lead him to his house. Fear clouded his head as the next smell was blood.

"STILES!" He shouted taking the steps two at a time. He burst into the bathroom, and let out a distressed gasp. Blood was everywhere. But there was no Stiles. A soft breeze blew in his face. The window was smashed open. _Someone else was in here._ A deep breath told him it was not the Nogitsune.

His phone rang. It was Derek.

"Scott, you need to get to the loft." Derek's voice sounded confused.

"Derek... I need to look for Stiles I can't find him." He said into the phone.

"That's the thing Scott. The Nogitsune just appeared bleeding from its wrists." He froze. Stiles hadn't cut since Claudia died. He remembered walking in on Stiles crying and bleeding. He had helped Stiles wrap up his bleeding wrists and promised not to tell Stiles' dad.

"How do you know it's not Stiles?" He shouted running from the house.

"Because it's bleeding black. Hurry Scott." _beep._ Growling he shifted, running as fast as he could.

Two...probably not

He flung open the doors, and launched himself at the monster.

"Where is Stiles you bastard." He yelled holding onto it's throat. The thing glowered at him and spat out,

"Why don't you ask one of your werewolf friends, because I am changing." He glanced back at Derek who's confusion masked his own.

"W...what do you mean?" He stammered

"Well from the looks of it, a werewolf has bitten your precious little Stiles and since I had no time to completely separate from him It has changed me too." The nogitsune growled. He dropped it horrified.

"No." he whispered. Derek had the Nogitsune up against the wall now. The thing laughed and spat out black blood.

"At least your Stiles won't make it either." It gurgled before dissolving into dust. Derek looked at him. His head shot up _we have to find Stiles_.

"If what the Nogitsune said is true, Stiles will either be dying or changing we have to find him." He said wiping black ooze from his hands.

He, Isaac, Derek, and Peter, all met back at Stiles' house. Lydia had taken Stiles's dad to Melissa to keep him distracted till they found his son. They had picked up Stiles's scent from underneath his window. It wasn't very hard either considering that there was a terrible amount of blood to follow.

The trail had led them into the forest. They had reached the clearing where the nemeton was. He stopped confused why would Stiles come here?

"Scott." Derek said, He walked to his side and froze in shock. On the other side of the stump was an enormous grey wolf. Not a regular one at all It looked almost half the size of a bear. It was laying on it's side curled into a ball.

"What is it?" He asked Derek not taking his eyes off of it. He was surprised when it was Peter who spoke first.

"It's an Ajax." Peter said quietly. "Legend says that these were the most powerful being in the World. The were said to have died out hundreds of years ago. One however survived. It mated with a human creating the Werewolf. Wolves worshipped the beast." Peter crouched down by it's mouth. Pulling back the lip. It's fangs were clean, no blood. Peter licked his teeth _So this thing didn't bite Stiles. But then what did?_

"The one who survived didn't want to die." Peter continued with his story. "So it went to a sorcerer, asking for eternal life. The sorcerer refused but told the beast. _In 10,000 years the Мальчик, который работает с волками will want to die. If the Мальчик, который работает с волками dies, the wolves will go wild, for the Мальчик, который работает с волками is what keeps them calm._ The Ajax was confused and demanded the sorcerer to explain. When the sorcerer refused, the beast got angry and gave him a fatal wound. With his dying breath he cast a spell. He made the Ajax unable to speak, to be like a regular wolf only larger, and cursed to forever be searching for the Мальчик, который работает с волками, so he can be it's protector" Peter walked back to Derek.

"Мальчик, который работает с волками, means Boy who runs with wolves." Peter said looking at him.

"Who is it?" Isaac asked. Peter ignored him and turned to Scott.

"Scott, howl."

"What? Why?" He asked confused.

"Just do it." Peter said patting the Ajax' head. Scott shook his head and howled. The Wolves eyes shot open. He and Isaac shifted, thinking that it was going to attack them. The wolf just looked at them.

"Peter what is it doing?" He asked, looking up he groaned. Peter always found the worst times to vanish. He then looked at Derek.

"Scott I think it is wrapped around something." Derek said moving around till he was beside the wolf. It gave a warning growl, moving back a bit. He swore his heart stopped. When the wolf shifted he caught a glimpse of Stiles face. It had been covered in blood.

"Isaac , Derek, stay back." He said. slowly moving forward. Holding out his hands for the wolf too see.

"I'm not going to hurt him." He said. The wolf gave him a small nod before unwrapping enough for Scott to see the body lying curled up. He let out a choked sob. Stiles was in a white t-shirt, or what used to be white, his arms were riddled with cuts. on closer inspection he noticed that they were too clean to be anything but a knife. _Oh my God Stiles you were actually going to kill yourself._ He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Scott we need to get him to a hospital." Derek said pointing to the rip in Stiles t-shirt. He gently pulled back the fabric. A bite wound was oozing blood.

"Is he really going to change?" Isaac asked. Once again no one answered him. He looked back at the wolf.

"Do you understand us?" He asked feeling a bit weird talking to a wolf. But the wolf nodded and got up gently letting him pick up his best friend. The wolf laid back down and gave him a pointed look then looking and it's back. He nodded understanding.

He positioned Stiles on the wolves back one hand not leaving Stiles. And then they ran.

Scott burst into the hospital. He had run ahead to give his Mom a heads up. He slid to a halt when he noticed who his mom was with. The sheriff.

"Scott!" melissa said staring at him in shock noticing the blood on his hands and on his shirt. "Scott, what happened?" He glanced at the sheriff then back at his mom mouthing Stiles. Melissa nodded, quickly walking back towards Stilinski, who was starting to look worried..

"May I see your handcuffs?" She said grabbing them before he could answer she fastened on on Stilinski's wrist and one on the wooden bench next to him.

"What the hell Melissa." Sheriff said yanking at the cuffs. His mom walked back to him, opening her mouth just about to ask him something. She never got the chance. The hospital doors slammed open, doctors were racing a gurney into the hospital. Time seemed to slow down. Stiles was even worse then when they had first found him. The run must have caused the wounds to bleed more. His hand was hanging over the side blood dripping down onto the floor from the slits in his wrists. The bloodstained shirt was cut open and he could see the bite wound more clearly now. Claw marks also went across his chest. Stiles' face was deadly calm, eyes closed and head lolling to the side. Isaac came in behind them, slowing looking over at Scott face stricken. His mom had her hands pressed to her mouth, and Sheriff Stilinski was pulling frantically at the cuffs, yelling Stiles name. The gurney disappeared down the hallway and he was left to stare down at the blood trail left behind by his best friend.

"Scott!" He numbly looked at the sheriff who was free, the bench broken. "Scott what the hell did you do to my son." Stilinski demanded. He couldn't reply, instead he just slid down, back pressed against the wall, and started to cry.

"I can't even protect my best friend." He cried "How am I supposed to be an Alpha." His mom crouched beside him hugging him.

"Stiles will be fine, Scott." She said "Now all we can do is wait."

 **Yeahhh. Poor Stiles. I don't think this will be more than 5 chapters, I'm already behind on Fallen and I started a new Glee fanfic. I am not a very good keep on trackerrrererr if that's even a thing 0.-**


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